MEMORIAL Day.

memorial

Lots of people are outside right now grilling and partying with family, I am not excluded in this. However, I do believe we have lost sight of the significance this day. It is not a day to honor hero’s, it is not a day to thank of men and women for their service. It is a day of remembrance. It is a day to reflect on those who have passed and the reasons they did so. For many people this can be a hard time. The sweet elder next door whos husband passed away during a senseless war. She sits alone every day because he is no longer here. She watches as over time everything her husband was fighting for is taken for granted. The beautiful couple next door with their picturesque life. They are grieving the loss of parents who died in a war with showers of promises to return home from their superiors. The single mother next door whos baby has never gotten to feel his fathers touch because he was lost in a war and considered MIA. Never knowing whether he is dead or alive. These people are the ones we should be celebrating. Bringing a day of joy to their lives and smiles on their faces is the only thing we can do to numb the pain of loss. Even if for only a moment. Have your parties and drinks and good food, just don’t forget to invite those others who truly need a day out. Please remember to love your neighbor and your life!

What a night!

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Bowling for soup played last night and it was the first time I saw a performance I actually wanted to see. Sure I have been to a few shows, but they were things I went to mostly to appease friends and such, not really something I wanted. I have much more fun when I am doing things I enjoy and that is what my blog is about. Finding the things in life that you love because no one else is going to do it for you. You need to make YOURSELF happy before you can be happy with other people. Right now I am dating my sons father, and yes he can make me happy, but I am not relying on that to get me through the day. We are still in the very early stages, so there is a lot of separation where we do our own thing. People asked me last night why I didn’t invite him, and honestly, because I was going with my friends, not his friends, not our family, Just me and my friends. It is ok to have separate adventures from the people you are with.

I love doing things, whether spontaneous or planned as long as it feels good and right then I am going to do it if I have the means. Last nights concert was free!!! How much better can you get?? Free concert with one of my favorite bands from high school, still rocking it on stage. It was a very blessed night and frustrating as my baby kept wanting to run away from the stage area, and the other kids we were with kept spilling on the drinks , and not on us, but other people :(.

Sorry to those people whom my baby and friend spilled drinks on.

To better put it, I was happy. I did not need a giant group of people, I did not need a man, I did not even need all of my kids. Find the things away from your family that make you happy and do it!. Don’t sit here reading this blog, get up and get out. Face life and live how you want. LOVE YOUR LIFE.

Sharing Spirituality

Just a rant about teaching spirituality rather than religion. spiritualpath

Sharing spirituality is different than preaching religion. In a way, I want to give my kids the tools they need to guide themselves down their own path to discover who they are and what they believe. I’ve seen many post discussing the ways in which we are obligated to teach our children exactly what we believe because if we believe it then me must know without a doubt that it is the one true way and so we could not tolerate our children becoming beholden to other or “false” beliefs.

This just isn’t the way for me, because my own spiritual direction is not defined by normal parameters. I use the term “pagan” in company with other people but it is soo much more than that. I believe that we are each part of this vast world and we are connected by threads that attach to each event, word, and relation that steers our lives. I see connections as they are being made, not after. In my belief we are all practicing one religion that got screwed around the more people tried to spread it. (You know that game telephone, a rumor goes around the room and by the time it gets back to the person it is a completely different and usually funny or more rude version of the one that was given).

I want my children to follow their hearts not what I have drilled into their brains. Teach morals like compassion and respect, love and empathy. Show your children that being kind to the earth is the best way to protect it. Show them how we can love each other even with our differences. Throw a block party every other week or so, not just for big holidays. Have dinners with your surrounding neighbors to encourage community and conversation.

Any activities using my spirituality as a basis becomes just a lesson in creativity and imagination for my children. My son has learned about recycling and repurposing to reduce trash, but he really thinks about ways in which he can make the item better. He understands emotions from cool fire rituals we do together. And he understands his own body better due to meditations and some yoga. All of these are only tools to help him understand his self and the world around him without forcing beliefs on him.

My gods and goddess come mostly from the inner self but I do use Egyptian pantheons from time to time to give names to some emotions or wants. And hopefully soon I can help my son reach inside himself to talk to his god. Who knows if he will start feeling comfortable in a church or a mosque, as long as he feels comfortable expressing himself and sharing love with his family and neighbors, then I will know that I have done a good job.

Daily prompt – epitome

Prompt – Epitome

“Shut your mouth!” ….. “Why are you arguing with an adult?”

When I turned around, I knew she was the epitome of what was wrong with children and their teachers in these newer generations. This woman, who choose to serve her community by teaching children, was standing there screaming at him, while he had barely made an audible whisper.

Ok, I get it he was jumping in the hall, could have hurt someone including himself, but why are we screaming? We know nothing else to get the attention of thirteen year olds so we resort to the loudest machine possible on our bodies. There was no polite redirection first, no calling the student by name and showing them that you respect them enough to learn their name so he should respect you enough to at least turn around and listen. Just irate babbling from a supposed adult who was twenty five years older, at the very least, from this child. I was shocked and mortified. If we can not show calmness and strength how are we supposed to teach it to these children, and why are their parents not teaching it to them first. Schools care so much about testing and separating scores based on race rather than intelligence, that everyone overlooks the students and groups them only in categories, of going to pass and never going to pass students.

We need to re organize the way we approach students and our children so we can finally come together and have the ability to teach students rather than corralling them and just waiting for the bell to ring at 4.

You make me (part 1)

You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me smile and sometimes I sigh. I never knew what life was like until I didn’t have you by my side. My Words are broken and sentences slurred, my goals were shattered and life a blur. I fought through the storm and out I came, to be one with you in love and name.

Steady River

Steady, steady, flowing,
The water flowing over me,
Calming me.
Waiting, waiting for the time,
The time to come and go,
Calling me.
Picking, picking, pick me up
Up, up, and away.
Never floating far away.
Rolling, tumbling, through the wade
wading closer to you
And now I think I found the truth
The truth was always you

The ex, the father, the friend.

We broke up right before my son was born. Ok I say we, but it was me who broke up with him. Horrible communication led us to desert each other when we needed each other the most. I can’t name just one thing that made me make the decision I did about the future, but I do know that it cost me almost six years of a life with a family. But maybe it was a cost worth paying. The time we were separated made both of us grow as people. people who weren’t dependent on another person for happiness, people who wanted to become the best us possible before we became an us.

We have known each other since we were eleven and twelve. We stayed friends through high school. Like most people after high school you tend to lose track of people and this was especially true since he was two grades ahead of me. He did date ne of my friends for a long time and that helped me keep tabs on him till I too was out of high school. It took another two years, which seemed like five to me, before we saw each other again. We started hangin out and doing things together, then after a while it was getting intimate. too fast and too soon my son was born. By that time we had drifited apart again. Me tryin to grow up and him not quite realizing what grown up was. We were 21 and 22.  I was scared and did not know if that was the right path for me, scared of being a family, scared of everything.

For a long time afterward I was mad and filled with anger. Why did he not fight for me and his son, why would he let me walk away? Then when we finially did do some growing I began to wonder if there would ever be a right time for us.

Now might be that time. We have started dating again and we are both optimistic about the future. Taking it slow, learning new things about each other and discovering ways in which we have grown. I am hoping for an exciting time getting to work things out with one of my best friends who has been there for me even through court battles and drama to let me vent in anger. The one who has been there to do mosre for his son than I imagined and more than my daughters father ever thoight about doing for her (during the six years we were seperated I had another baby, whose father also left me when I was pregnant). He is willingly to look past the fact there are mpre kids here than he has biologically and that is great. He makes me proud lately with the way he handles himself and situations and its rather shown me that people are constantly changing. And lots of times it is for the better.

To new beginnings!

Sugar-Free?

I try not to send my son to school hopped up on sugar, but we love pancakes! So sugar-free syrup with whole wheat pancakes (don’t tell him some have zucchini and carrot in them!) and we always try to have some kind of fruit in the morning. Our favorites are grapes, strawberries, blackberries, pineapples, and peaches. I discovered those mini pancakes made in mini muffin tins and sometimes we make a large batch and have several of our favorite toppings including sugar-free chocolate chips.
Have you ever tried buying sugar free foods and ever looked in the ingredients. Half the things (especially gums and yogurts) have aspartame in it. Yeah, the cancer causing sweetener that the food industry discovered. Artificial sweeteners are so bad for you but they are in soooo many things. Why? Cheap and easy and can be mass produced. So in our sugar-free haze we soon learned that it didn’t mean just reading the sugar content in the nutrition label but the ingredients as well. Meats….added sugars. “Healthy” cereals….added sugars.
I felt as if we were going to drown. Drown in syrups and carcinogens.
Even if I read the labels and try to find sugar free foods most are still sweetened with something ( honey, agave nectar). These are all natural but for a five year old boy with ADHD these still add tons of sugar to his diet.
The only way to try and get the least amount of sugar with any food is by preparing it yourself. This went right along with my personality because I love making food and cooking for my family. It has always seemed the thing to do, but I needed a real push to get me going. And this was it.
Pancakes (any baking) – make with stevia or just add fruit
Get fresh meats from your butcher
Grow your own veggies and fruits or get locally farmed ones
White pastas , bread and potatoes are a no no. (act as simple sugars in blood spiking the glycemic index faster than sweet potatoes)
No Added Sugars ( should not be within first five ingredients or at all 🙂 )

Transformations :0

During the year I lost, I worked on controlling my sons ADHD, pushing him through school, signing with my daughter (no she is not hearing impaired, we just love signing!), and discovering who I really am and what I want to do. First, I learned that controlling my sons ADHD was never gonna work and I needed a different strategy. Now we are learning how to MANAGE our ADHD. Simple word changes can help also change your attitude about how you feel towards your situation.

TRANSFORMATION 1

We have changed diets, or more accurately added to our diet restrictions. I do not make my son do this alone, I eat the food with him, however, I do allow myself extra sugary sweets because I am entitled to enjoy myself. So now we are low carb, no added sugars, no dyes, no anything else we don’t like as well 🙂 We stick to wheat and whole grain breads and flours. Stevia has entered my house along with crazy items like coconut flour, and almond meal. It has been quite an experience to say the least and a battle as well. Of course no five-year old wants to find out they can not have sugar or their favorite snacks. He even went as far to tell me “Mom, I don’t think this diet is working, I should probably eat sugar again. ” Hmmm, yeah I think you can have sugar, just in moderation and only during certain times of the day or week.

TRANSFORMATION 2

Adding more spiritual activities and rituals into the kid’s life can help increase their own awareness and provide support for beliefs. Because we are pagan there are many things we can do for each holiday and through the rest of the year as well. Planting seeds and making a fairy garden for Mayday and Beltane. Banishing emotion rituals during Samhain. Going on walks just to watch nature and discuss ways to care for it and treat it. I’m falling behind this year due to my increasingly full schedule. But we will not stop just because we fall behind. I myself am working on adding more spirituality to my daily life so I can help my children do the same.

TRANSFORMATION 3

Behavior affects not only your own self but also those who feed off your energy. May they be the people living in your house or the person standing behind you in line. My behavior and that of my sons is not the best it could be. We have made great efforts in ending the feuds that rise up between us and taking things one step at a time. It has been very up and down as only the best rollercoaster of life could be.  I hope in the days to come I can be even better as a mother to my children. One they do not hate, or fear, or want to hit lol.

TRANSFORMATION 4

Love. Isn’t that the whole point of my blog? Not that I am very good at this blogging thing yet. Especially since taking a long hiatus but I am come back with a new source of energy. Yep, you guessed it , love. I found a job I love and will continue for years to come so long as they let me. Subbing will just be my start. I’m going to finish my degree then get my alternative teaching certificate so I can teach in my own room. Haven’t fully thought about what I want to teach, maybe forensics to match my degree or seventh grade English because of my love of the students. There are many possibilities, but one thing I know for sure. I WANT to teach. It has helped me become a more patient and understanding person which will only help me more for transformation 3. Time management, planning, implementing, structure, all are important qualities I wish to posses better understanding of. Best of all for me is it meets my time requirements. Right now as a sub, I can work when I want, I get every holiday off with my children, and every weekend off for family time. I really couldn’t ask of anything greater.

I will continue to transform my love of life and all it has to offer. No more am I waiting for things to happen. I will make them happen. Recently I did something I never thought in a million years would occur. I got the courage and strength to ask my sons father out for a date. This is huge for me and helps me to further transform my love of myself and life and people who are dear to me.

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