The ex, the father, the friend.

We broke up right before my son was born. Ok I say we, but it was me who broke up with him. Horrible communication led us to desert each other when we needed each other the most. I can’t name just one thing that made me make the decision I did about the future, but I do know that it cost me almost six years of a life with a family. But maybe it was a cost worth paying. The time we were separated made both of us grow as people. people who weren’t dependent on another person for happiness, people who wanted to become the best us possible before we became an us.

We have known each other since we were eleven and twelve. We stayed friends through high school. Like most people after high school you tend to lose track of people and this was especially true since he was two grades ahead of me. He did date ne of my friends for a long time and that helped me keep tabs on him till I too was out of high school. It took another two years, which seemed like five to me, before we saw each other again. We started hangin out and doing things together, then after a while it was getting intimate. too fast and too soon my son was born. By that time we had drifited apart again. Me tryin to grow up and him not quite realizing what grown up was. We were 21 and 22.  I was scared and did not know if that was the right path for me, scared of being a family, scared of everything.

For a long time afterward I was mad and filled with anger. Why did he not fight for me and his son, why would he let me walk away? Then when we finially did do some growing I began to wonder if there would ever be a right time for us.

Now might be that time. We have started dating again and we are both optimistic about the future. Taking it slow, learning new things about each other and discovering ways in which we have grown. I am hoping for an exciting time getting to work things out with one of my best friends who has been there for me even through court battles and drama to let me vent in anger. The one who has been there to do mosre for his son than I imagined and more than my daughters father ever thoight about doing for her (during the six years we were seperated I had another baby, whose father also left me when I was pregnant). He is willingly to look past the fact there are mpre kids here than he has biologically and that is great. He makes me proud lately with the way he handles himself and situations and its rather shown me that people are constantly changing. And lots of times it is for the better.

To new beginnings!

True love….I want you back

Band hall, that is where I first saw you
Where I knew I had to have you
Hair in your face and lips I could trace
Holes in your jeans and holes in your heart
I wanted to fix, instead I tore it apart

Young and stupid, crude was my love
Not refined by experience
You turned away from me
I wish then I could of seen
The way I looked to you

Now I know what I want from you
I want to wait until I can truly love you
Wait until you are ready
If you ever welcome me
In your arms I will be
Till death do us part
Or you will remain
Forever in my heart.

ALD – my “first true” love

JWC – My only real love